Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Moms and Daughters....

Moms and Daughters are a funny sort of thing. I don't really get the relationship and its dynamic and I don't know that I ever will but, I strive to look at most things from both sides. Here's the thing: Moms love their daughters....a lot. I get that. Daughters love their mothers....a lot. Yet the two drive each other nuts in a way that is both unique and completely exasperating. You are magnetically drawn to each other and at the same time push against each other like opposite sides of a magnet. My mom and I are very similar in many ways and completely different at the same time and perhaps therein lies the dynamic. I'm not sure.
What I am sure about is that no one will ever be sure and I think you have to really work to make the relationship well or you look back at wasted energy and arguments that really solved nothing. I never knew how much my mom really must love me until I lost my baby. I had never even held it and yet every cell in my body ached at the loss. It was amazing. My mom was with me at the ultrasound when the doctor told me the baby was dying. How horrible. But, even through my tears, I found it interesting that Mom didn't know whether to hug me or leave me alone. She didn't know whether to talk or just be quiet. My mother of 28 years had no idea what to do. In that long span while we sat there I pondered this thought and realized that every time she ached for me, I pushed her away. Cruel, huh? And now when all I wanted was for her to wrap her arms around me, she just didn't even know if it was the right thing to do. Moms and daughters are a funny thing.
Mom took up running a year or two ago. She started easy and I helped her plan how to train and what to do each day. I thought it was a passing thing. Mom finished her first marathon this year at 55 years old. She's a tough cookie, that mom. There's a lot I didn't know about my mom, really. I didn't know she could be so focused. I didn't know she could push herself and accomplish a big goal. I didn't know she could overcome the aches and pains and keep going. I should have known.... she raised me after all.
Things are a little different between Mom and me now. We have each had the chance to view each other in a new light. We still do the Mom and Daughter dance but it's different now. We don't always see eye to eye and we never will. But, in reality, it's not so important that our eyes match up because our hearts do....

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad I found you here through Leslie!

    What I find so interesting about the mother daughter dynamic is how much it changes & morphs as both sides grow and the passage of time leaves it's mark. I'm one of five girls and while mom did her best to make time for us each individually while growing up, it's only since college that I feel a distinct relationship of my own with mom.